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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2016 7:37:43 GMT
1st Feb -- Its my grand daughters birthday today, I can still vividly remember she arrived.
Jeff and I were still together and we joined Sarah ( mum ) and her partner Marc ( dad ) my eldest son mark and Marcs mum in the delivery room. My son Mark was on wotsit duty - Sarah had a craving for the crisps in between contractions.
Marc was on oxyden treatement for his chronic cluster headaches, how grateful we were that he was allowed to use the oxygen there and be able to see his daughter come in to this world.
We had such a laugh that night, which helped Sarah get through the pain. Emma was born in a birthing pool, which was so amazing to watch. I think we were all in tears when she arrived- we were a united family then, Dan and David were eagerly waiting at home for the news.
Its funny how one memory sparks another - my second grand daughter was a different kind of event- Marks daughter was born on christmas eve- his pratner had gone into labour the day before. Me and a friend stayed up in the hospital corridor all night - we were not allowed into the delivery room this time. My husband was not speaking to Mark t the time, and wouldn't for another three years- so he missed the whole event. I remember the misture grief and happiness I felt as mark came out and hugged me as he announced the birth of his daughter, the most important day of his life and his dad was not there. However we had four generations within my home that christmas, it was amazing
Then I go back to when Mark was born, I can still remember the amazing feeling I had when I held him for the first time - I had achieved something- I could not believe that milestone in my life. As the weeks progressed I went into Post natal depression that would not be diagnosed for another 8months - well back then they did not really pay much attention to how you were feeling. Thankfully they are now !
Right I really must get ready for work xx
Rita
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2016 9:18:06 GMT
Now I must draw up a family tree in order to remember who's who in the Rita ensemble.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2016 10:29:19 GMT
Now I must draw up a family tree in order to remember who's who in the Rita ensemble. lol yes, it gets confusing at times !!! there is me -Jeff was my husband we have 4children-Mark, Sarah, David and Daniel ( Dan for short) Mark is getting married to Hayley next year, he has one daughter-Olivia, from a previous relationship Sarah is married to Marc and they have one daughter-Emma , they were not married when she was born. Marc is chronically Ill David is getting married to Stacey in august Dan lives at home with me and Gizmo, our cat !!!! does that help !!!! |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2016 13:11:12 GMT
Now I must draw up a family tree in order to remember who's who in the Rita ensemble. lol yes, it gets confusing at times !!! there is me -Jeff was my husband we have 4children-Mark, Sarah, David and Daniel ( Dan for short) Mark is getting married to Hayley next year, he has one daughter-Olivia, from a previous relationship Sarah is married to Marc and they have one daughter-Emma , they were not married when she was born. Marc is chronically Ill David is getting married to Stacey in august Dan lives at home with me and Gizmo, our cat !!!! does that help !!!! |
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Post by Helen on Feb 1, 2016 17:03:56 GMT
Hey Rita...how lovely to read your journal. As I read it I was reminded how much our "whole life" is not much more than our memories!! Memories are so precious....I think that is why my old mum had five horrible, stressful, fearful, worrying, years.... as she was losing her mind, = memories, = therefore..herself!! 
As she went in and out of lucidity during those years...when she came out of it ( for a while) She'd always say-
" I am back?" The "I" being her mind and memories. Once she had totally lost all recall ( even speech ) She was very happy again. Laughed a lot, loved the trees and birds dog walkers etc etc..the last five years were lovely. ( 98)
I learned from that, that without a "worrying, fearful" mind..we are all a very happy lot!! haha!! It's the thoughts that mess us up!! LOL
Dad died with us at home. As I looked down at his shell moments after he took his last breath. I was stuck with the thought that maybe he was thinking as he went on his journey. " Golly, a moment ago I was struggling being born, and now I am being born again into a different realm."
I was thinking of the words " Life is but a vapour ..." Here today, gone tomorrow...I bet, to my dad, his 90 years seemed like no time at all!!!! 
A phrase I am always saying to my two adult daughters is- " Make good memories...as they 'are' YOU!! "
Outside of the important spiritual things.....we are made up of our memories.
Goodness, what a ramble!! haha!! Got a bit carried away!
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Post by Dave on Feb 2, 2016 5:31:46 GMT
Ladies, what I say is, you can't beat a good ramble  . enJOYed them both, thank you both for sharing.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2016 7:03:06 GMT
Memories are invaluable- but I think information about a person is on the same par, especially if you have to go through the awful illness of demencia, I am presuming your mum had that. At work we get into the worlds of the residents- but in order to understand their ' loops ' when they are in a totally different time frame to reality, we need to know things about them.
So parents should talk to their children about their likes and dislikes as younger people - write the memories down that are linked to music and tv shows, or people that inspired in church. Your experiences- then when that person is not themselves in the present, you can endeavour to join them in the past- that person is still there, but just in a younger way.
I often wonder if understanding demencia will help if I become the one in three that will eventually get it - fear and worry is an awful symptom of that stage when you are aware of your mind being affected - I would not really want to find out !
However I plan to write a few things down, music that will emotionally link me to my children, my past, my childhood- the emotional memories are in a more solid part of the brain and will last long after other parts of it die.
Thanks for sharing Helen xxx
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2016 7:12:35 GMT
Its funny how messages can turn into chinese whispers-- I had planned a family get together at the weekend as I am on holiday for a week from friday. ( hooray !! ) All was going well until Dan conveyed that Dave and Stacey could not come becasue they had friends coming down............. so I decided I would leave it for another time when we could all meet up.
Dave rang me and asked me what time meet were all meeting here on saturday -- I kind of went silent and relayed, BUT you cannot make it, so I was going to cancel... !
He asked if Dan had conveyed the message, so I explained-- Dave started laughing..... and proceeded to question Dns listening skills !
Apparantly he conveyed that Stacey could not make it as she had to swap a weekend off because they are going up to London to visit their friends in a few weeks. He relayed to Dan that he could still make it saturday.
I worry about Dan sometimes !!!!!!! LOL
He thought it was hilarious when I told him- just said ' wow I got that really wrong didn't I '
Hence to say, we are now having our get together on saturday.
On a late shift today, but need to go down dads before and do his online shopping order - then go to the bank- I think I may need a costa coffee before going into work -- I LOVE COSTA COFFEE !
Rita
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Post by Helen on Feb 2, 2016 17:05:16 GMT
Hi there...loved that! Have good family fun.
Good point about chinese whispers..so true...it seems that Communication is the thing that always causes problems...between husband and wife, children and parents , friend to friend, Christian to christian ..."post to post" LOL
Every blessing....H
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 10:42:25 GMT
Has it really been that long since I wrote anything here !!
I guess we hit a bit of a bad spell with Dan, he is still waiting to here from his doctor- they were suppose to have a case conference to discuss the best way forward for him- I think it has been well over 6weeks. Dan is on an even keel again now, but only because he has not had to go out anywhere. Thankfully his face and neck have healed, he does have a few scars - but it doesn't look as bad as his arms do- they are wrecked from so many cuts over the past few years !
work has been busy, along with a new manager over housekeeping bringing in a new rota change to help us, we have also had to incorporate much more in what we do. I do not mind this, but others are still not doing their job properly. The manager is going to look into this more when I take some time off next week ( 11days leave ) - I got fed up with picking up work that others were leaving- so I had a one to one with her about it all.
Keira is now at Stoke mandaville hospital, and making good progress with movement - she is also getting on quite well with the young people who share her unit. Her room mate tried to commit suicide and ended up shattering her spine- she is now paralysed. I can only presume that she tried to jump off of somewhere. Poor girl, she is quite young and so regrets what she did, or tried to do. I am not too sure how long Kiera will remain up there, but she is missing everyone- it is too expensive and too far away for anyone to visit at the moment.
A little while ago I decided that I needed to get back into a routine of reading Gods word- so I downloaded a bible reading program on my kobo e reader. It goes through the bible in chronologically order- as it was dated, I started at the beginning of April - I have since stopped just reading what it suggested for the daily readings and continue reading. I must admit to have been surprised by the impact. God has spoken to me very directly at times, but not always, and yet I have so much more peace within- or perhaps it is just that I am not as hungry !! LOL
I have noticed it more at work - it's kind of weird and hard to explain.
So that was definitely one of my better choices !
Right the sun is now shining, so I am going to sit outside and read for a bit xxxxRita xx
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Post by Helen on Apr 26, 2016 15:39:25 GMT
Hi Rita, good to see some updates. Only yesterday I was thinking and wondering how Keira was progressing! So I am glad for the update...that's very sad about one of her room mates. Now she is in a worse state than before. Somehow they don't think of that when they do things.
I have a friend ( not the same friend as in the other post) who tried it twice.
Her's was with pills...she saved up her medications. The little dog found the empty pill bottle on the floor and ran it to the husband ( like a ball) to play with. He obviously found her, and called 911.
Then three months later she did it all again!! She had made her hubby promise he would not call 911 if he found her. So he didn't , he called her daughter instead, who then called 911!!
I told her she was an idiot. She said that she wanted to be with Jesus as she was so miserable.
I then said, " And, What I f you only did half the job and sat the rest of your life in a wheelchair , in nappies, with spittle drawling down your chin? ". She said, " Helen, when a person is that miserable they don't think straight, they just want to get out of life. The 'what-ifs' don't come into the mind." That was in the 80's , she hasn't tried it since, and now she is in an old folks home which she hates. She's 85, and still yearning for 'heaven' . It's a bit of a self centred way to live life...
glad to hear that the work schedule is going to improve. When is it that you are off to Cyprus?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 16:05:24 GMT
Hi Helen,
The wedding in Cyprus is at they'd of August - I have just paid for all the flights, just got insurance to sort out. Xx
Rita
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2016 16:12:05 GMT
I do get what you were sharing about your friend, I had afriend who often took pills, she planned for me to find her one day- I was so mad with her- but was never really able to be open with her about it. I kind of knew that she was doing it to get attention.
However since Marks and Dans attempts I do undertand that sometimes it can seem the only way out, and the mind is a complex thing. Even when Dan recently self harmed he said that something just took over- he said it was hard to detach. I have never felt that low or been that lost on a mental level. I got mad when Dan did it, was too numb when Mark took his overdose, but I know he meant it. I am totally convinced that satan uses those moments and manipulates.
Rita x
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 7:23:45 GMT
I have been on holiday since Wednesday, but it's been busier than being at work !!!!!!
Today I have planned nothing, and it's just me and Dan - yesterday we had a family get together, I have forgotten how noisy we all are together. Granted we had a few friends included in the mix. We also watched the Brighton match - had to pay for it. If they won then it would be promotion up to the premier league next season, which would bring in much revenue, and be quite an achievement. It was a difficult match to watch, we drew 1-1, so now it goes to the playoffs - a slim chance that we could perhaps still do it- I won't hold my breathe !!
We had a lot of laughs, good catch up time, but by 4ish I was getting tired of company- by 6ish the house was still as everyone had gone, the washing up piled up on the draining board, yes I still do that as I do not have a dish washer. I sat down and just relaxed. Then I made the mistake of having coffee and baileys, so although I slept, I was awake from 2:00- 3:30, thank goodness for the iPad xx
I have set up face time - but not brave enough to give it a go yet, but will.
Had a message from Sarah that Keira has had a fall, and is now on total bed rest- a clot in her leg, which had cause severe swelling for months, has swollen more. She was doing so well, this has knocked her back. She was trying to get from the bed to the chair, possibly on her own, which shows how she had progressed.
Right, the sun is shining - so I am going to sit outside and read, hopefully write some letters too- but also the garden has suddenly come alive with so many weeds- so I should tidy that, but it will not be a priority unless the sun goes in xx
Rita x
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 10:00:59 GMT
All was well until I had a conversation with my twin brother that pressed all the wrong emotional buttons, now I am unsettled and anxious - I can never quite explain myself with him, and there are times when I realise that our attitudes are just so different. Me and my daughter Sarah are spending the day with them tomorrow, and Sarah was the key reason for the unease- I am a protective mum - my brother has never had children. He bears grudges, I try not to, I love my kids unconditionally, he has conditions to his relationships with his nieces and nephews. Sarah is not flavour of the month with him, of joys, tomorrow will either help or hinder - praying God will use it for good x
I think satan scored a home run, I was not prepared xx
Rita
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Post by Helen on May 8, 2016 13:49:36 GMT
Sorry to hear that things were going so well, then the hiccup with your brother. Emotional pain is almost more upsetting than physical pain. Our bodies want peace of mind and soul to be happy.
While we have breath, these things will happen.
yes indeed, praise God for the iPad, and night it is pure gold. I used to put on the light and read a book...but now on waking at night I reach for the iPad first. It helps to not be frustrated when I wake. I used to get cross when I Woke up...but that just kicks in the adrenaline!! Now with a good book and the iPad I can take the broken nights in my stride.
You mentioned the other day about mowing your dads lawn. Over here school age boys will do it very cheaply ..( also snow removal) why don't you get a kid to do it, it would be worth the few bob. Once my mum was on a Home, I visited her every day for six years. As I got older I just couldn't do this any more....I hired a nice lady to stand in for me three of the seven days.
it was a gift from heaven. ( plus my mum loved her)
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Post by ivor on May 9, 2016 0:29:32 GMT
They are our past we grow like any creation belonging to God, we shed our skin and grow into what God would choose to have us. It's not TV but real life and time is directional forever moving forward. A new day...
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2016 6:19:17 GMT
I understand about memories, especially emotional ones- did you know that they remain longer than anything else. Dementia robs a person of so much of who they are as the brain deteriates, but the emotional memories remain - hence why it's important to try and tap into the good ones that can make the residents at work ' feel ' good. A visit from a loved one may seem like a waste of time as it will be forgotten within moments, they may even forget the person while they are there- but if that relationship is full of love, they will feel good for the rest of the day, and sometimes beyond. Yesterday's situation with my brother has hit something from the past, and yes the memories in and of themselves are gone - but deep within it hit something negative- a grief that remains an emotional memory. It will pass, I always pray for understanding as I totally believe God can give insight to bring about a release. I know what the anxiety is linked to, but I have never found a way of healing from it. Twin relationships go very deep xxxx
Rita
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Post by twinc on May 9, 2016 14:04:02 GMT
ah yes memories - it seems some lose track of their memories - but lets try and see what memories are really for and about and are trying to tell us and teach us - if we take a retrospective glance at the stretched out span of our life, at the years of infancy, childhood, adolescence and maturity which relentless time has buried in the past, at all those years whose motley episodes are now recoverable only as memories, everything that has happened to us now seems like the happenings of a prolonged and vivid dream. It seems such an appalling thing to believe that those events which were so solid, so substantial and so real when they were actual are only like dream stuff. Yet does such belief really strain probability too far. Those years when we lived so ardently and intensely, when we experienced the loftiest exaltations and most poignant emotions, when we felt the strongest passions and endured the bitterest pains - where are they now? Where have they gone ? They are now only recollections of the past and they have gone into the deeps of memory ! What are such remembrances ? They are simply a series of mental pictures, that is, they are no more than thoughts in and for the mind - if all our past personal experiences through the years - no matter whether they are as few as five or as many as sixty - turns out in the end to be a series of transient ideas, what are we to say of our coming life which extends into the future ? Nay, what of the vivid present in which we are living with such immediacy ? Will they not turn out to be the same when we investigate them, because the present will inescapably become the past and the future will inescapably become the present? They will then appear to possess neither the same reality nor the same value they possess now. Yet this day, this minute, this very moment through which we are now passing must actually possess precisely the same characteristics which they have before or after - past, present and future constitute the whole of our human existence what else is demonstrated by it than that our wakeful existence is itself only a thought-series and that our personal experience is a mentally-constructed affair[Brunton] - twinc |
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2016 17:23:13 GMT
Twinc why have you re-posted your post, I realise that you may consider it has an answer for what I share- but this is my own personal space and I do not perhaps write as a means to finding a solution, but merely to share. God has brought me this far, and healed continuously along the way- I may not know all the answers, but He does x
Me and my daughter had a lovely day out with my brother and sister in law, we did not discuss the issues, but built bridges. I am very grateful xx
Rita
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. enJOYed them both, thank you both for sharing.
